Road to Surrender

Why does it take me so long before I pray?

God already knows what my heart has to say.

Surrender, I must. Surrender, I might,

Why is it always such a huge fight?

I just think I have it all figured out,

God knows too, what that's all about!

He says ask, He'll give; seek, I'll find

I keep trying to open the door from behind.

Draw near to me and I will to you,

I'm tired of this seeming a hard thing to do.

Lord thanks for your patience, your unending love ,

Despite my shortcomings, it fits like a glove.

So I stand and come boldly to your throne of grace

And know that without you I'd fall flat on my face.

I seek first your kingdom, your heart and your soul,

And discover its in me to give after all.

I find in the struggle You're all that I need.

So humbly I bow and let You take the lead.

Mindlessness

I have a confession to make. I am trying with God's help to overcome some areas of weakness. One of these is overeating. I have been starting to pray specifically for strength in this area to be prepared when temptation comes knocking.

Up until recently I have been deceived in my thinking that God will remove my weakness. I prayed as Paul did that God would remove this thorn in my side. I sense new insight into God's reply that His grace is sufficient for us, that His power is made perfect in weakness.

It is in these places that God is glorified, when we know we are too weak to have overcome something on our own. If we did not have these weaknesses, Christ's power and forgiveness would not be necessary.

When we come to the end of ourselves in these areas, it is the only place we have any hope of overcoming them. It will not be the last time we face the temptation, the devil makes sure he plays on our weaknesses. God sometimes allows them to bring these things to the surface as he has with me. We will be stronger in Christ's power to resist it next time though.

Back to my confession. I had an inkling for a snack and within 10 minutes ate 3 licorice, 1 Oh Henry easter egg, a handful of crackers and 1/2 cup of peanuts! I realized about 3/4 of the way through my pigfest, how mindlessly I had accomplished this.

Mindless according to Websters is showing, using, or requiring no intelligience or thought.

I believe this is a common tool built up in our minds to keep us stuck in strongholds or patterns of thinking. We need to become mindful instead; attentive and aware. Attentive first of all to the weakness in us and aware that we cannot have victory in this area without God's help.

It frightened me how easily mindless I am of things sometimes. I thought of the many ways this world can keep us this way also. Television, computers, cell phones, video games, where a lot of the time no intelligience need be used.

I read a line that said God's armor is tailor made for you but you must put it on. He has given us what we need to be mindful of the things that tempt our weaknesses.

Ephesians 6: 10-18

'Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this,take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.'

I am thankful that God is working and my armor is becoming thicker. In this particular weakness I have been mindless for many years. I am grateful to sense His grace 3/4 of the way through instead of not at all!

What areas of your life have you been mindless in? Are you tired enough of your weakness to ask God for help? Please have mercy Lord.

PS

I was looking back at a couple of older posts and just wanted to share with you that my husband is doing well. We believe God brought healing to him. He did not have to have a dilation done the day of the procedure. He has not been experiencing any difficulties since then. God continues to soften my heart with compassion, thankfully.
Thank you for your prayers and concern. We appreciate them a lot.

Do You Really Want To Know?

As I was waiting in line at WalMart one day, I looked over to see a boy of about 3, finish licking to the end of the counter by the conveyor belt. I silently cringed and was leaning over to tell him that was really gross when he stopped. His mother was oblivious to his antics as she helped her daughter with her coat. I turned to grab some things from my cart and as I turned back I witnessed the end of him licking his way back!

I moved to share with his mom what I had seen, then hesitated. Perhaps she was better off not knowing. It seemed I was just going to get him in trouble. By the looks of him that would not be the first time nor would it be his last.

This scene created opportunity to brighten the clerks day as we joked that perhaps he will obtain incredible immunity from that experience. I also prayed for his protection.

It struck me as I was moved to keep this boys mother in oblivion, perhaps that is what God thinks for us. We are better off not knowing what is going to happen to us, good or bad. We are better off choosing to trust Him in obedience than to get the full picture.

Just think for a moment how overwhelming it could be for us to know what is coming around the corner. We can never really prepare for things until we walk through them.

Two incidents in my own life came to mind as I contemplated this. One was my mothers' death and the other was our move to Regina.

Although my Mom had suffered with bipolar disorder many years and had previously tried to take her life; nothing could have prepared us for the finality of her success in this. I was better off not knowing the depths of grieving I would face.

When it started to become clear to us that we were to move to Regina, we began to prepare. There were many aspects we could plan, decisions to pray about and make. We looked at over 50 houses before we found ours. It took much longer to sell ours than we anticipated as the market slowed down. The move ended up looking nothing like we expected. And once everything was said and done I could not have prepared my heart for the impact of leaving family, friends and the city I had lived in for 25 years.

In hindsight, I was better off not knowing and in the process of trusting God in all of these things, my faith was deepened. I watched God be faithful at meeting us at every place, in ways I could not have imagined. Hebrews 11:1 says ' Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.'

I am thankful that God protects my heart and always has my best in mind, even when it doesn't feel like it. Sharon A. Hersh said it best in her book, Begin Again Believe Again,' Learning to trust in God's protection requires that we give up our image of what protection is. We tend to believe that protection means we will experience no harm or hardship. Trusting God's protection compels us to accept harm and hardship not only as a context in which God cares for us but also a place of protection. We must come to believe that God's care is more real than our pain and that His protection is active even when we can't see it.'

Jesus says in John 14:1 ' Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.'

Is there an area of your life that you need to trust God with today? Believe that He is working all the time, even if you can't see it.

How Sweet It Is......

I spent last weekend at Temple Gardens Mineral Spa with three sweet friends. It was our first reunion since I moved 3 months ago.
I have to admit that I had some expectations of our time together. And I pictured what it would look like. (Yes I do often forget that I am not God and not in control of everything!)
I imagined that we would encourage each other, spur one another on, pray for each other and have revelation of God's insight, along with fun and relaxation. We did all of these things but not in ways that I expected. Thankfully God is more creative in working things out than I imagine!
One of my highlights was that we shared each others stories, from birth till now. As we listened to one another I marvelled at how blessed I am to know such amazing women. Women who are so full of love from all the joy, hardships, blessings and difficulties that God has walked them through. We laughed, we cried, we celebrated God's grace.
We realized we have become richer, more like Jesus, through the incredulous pain and sorrow we have experienced. We voiced how we would not change most of these things because of the lessons learned and character produced from them.
To know and be known. Isn't that what we long for? I was encouraged and spurred on by unconditional love, these women love me despite myself! It is easy to be with them and reassuring to be known by them.
The blessing of the weekend was an extension of God's love, how He knows me. Psalm 139, vs 1 & 13 give a tiny picture of this amazing truth, 'O Lord, you have searched me and you know me....For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb.'
It can't get any more intimate than that!
All through our weekend together the song How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You) kept playing in my mind. I came home and looked up the lyrics. I am sure that Marvin Gaye was singing this to a lover but in the spirit of our friendship, I felt the words were very fitting and God gave them to me for a reason.
' I needed the shelter of someone's arms and there you were,
I needed someone to understand my ups and downs and there you were,
With sweet love and devotion
deeply touching my emotion
I want to stop and thank you baby
I just want to stop and thank you baby
How sweet it is to be loved by you
How sweet it is to be loved by you.'
Thank you to ALL my girlfriends! This journey would be difficult without you. How sweet it is to be loved by you!
Is there someone you need to share God's love with? Is there someone you need to thank for loving you? Are you letting THE ONE who knows you, love you?