Static Love

My husband, son and I just returned from Calgary on the weekend. We attended an informal memorial service for my Grandpa. It turned out to be a sweet time of reconnecting and remembering as we celebrated Grandpa’s life. God blessed our weekend in many ways.

Do you know what was especially sweet? There were 17 of us, a motley crew of people, and all there for one purpose; to share about the loss of Grandpa’s life and how he had impacted all of us. We sat in a circle and sang ‘Jesus Loves Me’, ‘In the Garden’ and How Great Thou Art’ acappella, all of us believers and non believers alike. It occurred to me as we sang, quite beautifully I might add, that God was right in the midst of us. He was there with His love and comfort whether any of us acknowledged it or not.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8 He NEVER changes. We will, our circumstances will, all things will change except our God. Isn’t that an amazing truth when change can be so disconcerting? All of the lives in our little circle in Grandpa’s old house changed in some shape or form because of his death. I am so grateful that God never changes because His heart for being close to the broken-hearted assured me that He was with us in the circle. He will continue to be with us whether we acknowledge it or not.

Thank you Lord for your presence all the time. Please continue to stir up the hearts of those who don’t acknowledge You. Meet them in their need, their hurt, their joys, their circumstances. Thank you for your faithfulness in staying the same.

Renew Your Mind

Do you know that you can think whatever you want to think? Did you know there was a way to change what you are thinking? I love what Joyce Meyer said on her program today, ‘Your mind does not have to be a trash can for the devil all day!’

What an image that brings to my mind. When God says take captive every thought, he does not just mean random thoughts that are yucky, he means every one. How do we do this practically? I know for years I have tried on my own to ‘change’ the way I think or act. You know the motto, fake it till you make it. Well I am beginning to think that is more like fake it and you will never make it. I am starting to see that God made a way for me to make it already.

When I accepted Jesus into my heart God put His Holy Spirit in me. 2 Peter 1:3 says ‘His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.’ Did you see that?? By me believing in Him, His divine power has given me everything I need to live a godly life! Isn’t that an amazing promise?

Why do I have such trouble believing it to be true? I think the answer lies in the second part of the verse, through our knowledge of him. How much knowledge of Him do I really have? How much have I allowed God’s word to transform my mind? This is another promise right in His word. Romans 12:2 ‘Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. THEN you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.’

I have been tossing around going to school, possibly Bible College. My friend challenged me the other day through email with a question. Would going to college be a help in my goal to write and speak or would that be a distraction? Good question huh? Well this led into a lengthy discussion with my husband and as I dove more into my motivation; I think it would be more of a distraction at this time. I am not ruling this option out forever but for now the timing is not right.

You see I have this thing in me that believes I will not be able to do anything without an education. This is a whole other blog topic but for the purpose of this one, here is my thought. I think part of me is just waiting for that magic moment when kaboom! I have an intimate knowledge of God and a close relationship and an amazing prayer life and I am living as a victorious Christian. Oh maybe then I can really write and lead others and influence them with my thoughts! Oh maybe if I go to Bible College, that will make things different. Please don’t get me wrong, I believe that there is much to be gained and a purpose for some to attend a Bible College. I just know that if I go from wrong motivations, it will get me nowhere except for another trip around the mountain.

I am beginning to be convicted about this type of thinking, my lack of taking responsibility for my changes. It is a never ending seeking after things that will not satisfy. Nothing will change until my mind changes and my mind will not change without renewing it with God’s word. Another line that Joyce said today that really struck me was ‘Don’t expect to be a victorious Christian unless you study the Word!’

I was expecting to get the reward without the work. I confess this. There have been times that I have studied but not enough, not enough to renew my mind. I was practicing the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I thought if the face of what I was doing changed, then perhaps I would too. I thought if I went to school I would learn the discipline I so desperately want and need to do the things I am to do. Now I haven’t always consciously made these decisions. I think I have tried in different ways to change but I can’t change myself. As I studied God’s word today, it revealed my motivations and showed me what I need to do. I have been given this already through Christ; I just need to submit, to truly believe He has given me all I need. I need to do what I can and to trust Him with the outcome. To be continued until Jesus comes back.......

Father, forgive me for my complacency. I cannot blame my lack of discipline or ability to work hard for something on anybody but myself. Please instil in me a desire to study your Word Lord, not just to read it, but so it pierces my soul and changes me. In Jesus’ name Amen

Addendum to last post

I just wanted to add that minutes after I posted my last blog, my aunt called me to let me know we were going to have a memorial come and go for Grandpa next weekend. Thanks Lord for answering my prayer and creating a time and place to celebrate Grandpa's life and to grieve his loss together. Please pray for our family as we come together. Thank you

Goodbye to Grandpa

Yesterday morning I received a call from my sister that my Grandpa had passed away during the night. Death is so strange. My day seemed cloaked in sadness, yet I never really fully expressed it. Except that is when I told Owen, my 9 year old son, and he sobbed on my shoulder. His authentic sorrow brought out the emotion already stuffed in me. Isn’t this the beauty in children? They have no learned filters to stop their feelings; they just come out as they are.

I loved my Grandpa and was relieved that he had passed so quickly and not had to suffer long in the state he was in. He would have been 93 next month and up until the past few years having some difficulties with health and dementia, he lived a long virile life. I am sad for the hole that his loss will leave in the lives around him.

His will expressed clearly that he did not want to have a funeral when he died. Personally I have difficulty with this. Yes I believe in honouring people and their wishes but I find it a bit of a selfish choice. Simply because I have found that going through the process of a funeral or memorial, serves an important part of grieving and letting go. I don’t pretend to know Grandpa’s reason for choosing this way. I think we need to be deliberate though to find some way to say goodbye to him and to remember his life and legacy. We are the ones left here after all.

Ecclesiastes 3:1,2a says, ‘There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die. Vs 11 goes on to say, ‘He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.’

So although we may find death strange and a difficult place to live in, there is a time for everything. I wondered as I thought of Grandpa dying and thought of these verses, how many people come to have knowledge of God through the death of another. It is during these times that we ponder our own mortality. There aren’t many other occasions that get us to consider this whole mystery of life and God as much as death does. We realize in a more tangible way how precious our life is and that we are not guaranteed our next moment even. We are reminded that we do not live forever. God has set eternity in the hearts of men; ALL men have a spiritual thirst. A desire for eternal value. We are created in His image and we therefore will always have a desire to be more like him, earthly pleasures do not satisfy.

So my prayer in this time is that my family will not only feel the comfort of God, but that they would be caused to consider God. That they would come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, through him they will find eternal life. We do have a place in heaven if we make the choice for Jesus in this life. I believe my Grandpa did this and so I know that I will see him again one day. He is dancing with Grandma and my Mom and many that passed before him, praising the God who created us. Good bye for now Grandpa. Thank you for the memories and the example of your life. I love you.

Target Love

Do you recall a time in your life when God had a spotlight on one particular area of your character that needed some work? Wherever you went and whatever you did; your daily lessons, even everything you picked up to read highlighted that certain characteristic.

I both love and dislike when this happens. I love that God is that concerned about my character more than my comfort. It reminds me how much He loves me. At the same time it usually shoves me out of my comfort zone. And I kind of like that place. It is warm and fuzzy and familiar.

Self-control is the area that is being targeted at this time. I know there are so many different facets of this fruit of the spirit. The particular place of self-control God has been speaking to me about is managing my emotions. As I begin to see how much I have been ruled by what I am 'feeling' it is no wonder I have spun my wheels for so long.

1 Peter 5:8 says' Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ‘I believe that the more unstable we are the more we become like the weak little lamb that is lagging behind the flock. How long before the little one is pounced upon?

Having almost survived my first round of teenagers, I think one of the best gifts we can give them is our emotional stability. Now that is not to say that I have succeeded in this area completely but I am learning. I think the more we can be solid and not rocked by every circumstance, the more our children have a broader base to stand on. Our stability is firmly rooted when it is in our relationship with God. He alone can give us the power to walk in it. He alone has given us the ability to have self-control.

As the verse says, be self-controlled and alert. Alert means to have an attitude of vigilance or readiness. How ready can we be if our emotions are dragging us around? If we are upset or ruled by our feelings, are we trusting God? If we wait to do something until we 'feel' like it, how likely is it to get done? If we make a decision in the middle of excitement, what happens when the excitement fades?

I am so guilty of this sometimes that as I am becoming more aware, it is taking some real diligence to separate the emotion. I know that God gave us emotions for many very good reasons but when they lead, it only leads to trouble. Self-control is to have control of one's emotions. Control means to exercise restraint or direction over. So this is an action we need to do. You know, we do what we can do so God can do what God can do. First believe that we can control ourselves and then as the feelings come up, stop, feel them and then tell them they are not going to rule over you. Make this a practice until the exercise becomes second nature.

In 2 Peter it tells us that God’s divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him and through our knowledge we read of his promises and it gives us escape from the corruption of the world. Peter goes on to say in vs. 5-9' For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness, and to goodness, knowledge and to knowledge, self-control and to self-control, perseverance and to perseverance, godliness and to godliness; brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from past sins.'

Keep reading this chapter to hear more amazing things. God’s word is the authority. Is He speaking to your heart to know it better? We were challenged today at church by the question are you happy to meet the Lord with what you have in your hand today? What kind of an advertisement am I for Christ? And I have to confess that as long as I keep living my life with my brain and my body, not being led by the Holy Spirit and not being self-controlled; I am afraid I am just a flicker of an ad for Christ. I need my light to burn brightly. I may be the only Jesus that someone I know meets.

I know that God has a spotlight on this area for my good and His glory. What areas of your life have you felt a nudge towards changing? Make the choice today to let Him help you do it.

To write or not to write

I am having some difficulty with the concept of having a blog. What is it all about really? Why, when I have no trouble journaling with pen and paper, does my mind go blank when I sit in front of my blog? I need to examine the reasons that I arrived at this place to begin with.

I have always loved to write. I now call myself a writer because I know it is just a part of me. It may never be my livelihood or career but it is in me to write. I love to see how words properly placed can have such an influential effect on others. I love when something is described so fully that you can almost see or taste it. Something becomes alive just by how the words are put together. Reading books has been a passion of mine since I can remember. As I mentioned in my last blog, I used to read the dictionary! Words are a beautiful gift from God.

I began this blog through a natural state of progression it seems. I love to write, people have told me I have a gift for writing. I have been journaling for years and taking various writing courses. I am involved now in B.L.A.S.T. which is Building Leaders, Authors, Speakers and Teachers. It is a one year mentorship class, taught by author and speaker Shannon Ethridge. We are halfway through our year and it has been an amazing opportunity to hone my writing and speaking skills, to encourage others in my small group to reach out and grab what God has for us. It also is an opportunity for me to step out there and trust that God has me in this place for a reason.

I am reminded as I look at the name of my blog site, 2EncourageFreedom&Forgiveness, that that is what it is all about. In my pride I forget sometimes that it is not all about me. I was given this platform by God to encourage others in the experiences or words that He gives me. I know that is the mission that He put in my heart and if one sentence or blog entry can do that for one person then Hallelujah! I may never know if it does but I need to be faithful in the little things God calls me to do. He will do the rest. I read Job 38 today and was reminded that we just don't need to know some things, we just need to trust God who is bigger than all those things.

A man speaking at our church this past weekend said something that impacted me. He was talking about the difference between accepting that Jesus was his Savior and then all the things in between that moved him to committing to his Savior. There is a huge chasm between accepting things and committing to them sometimes. Although I related that to my spiritual journey with Jesus, it also struck me that it applied to my writing. I have accepted that I am a writer, that it is a part of me. Am I ready to make the move to the commitment of writing?

Anne Lamott said it best in her book 'Bird by Bird'. " You are desperate to communicate, to edify or entertain, to preserve moments of grace or joy or transcendence, to make real or imagined events come alive. But you cannot will this to happen. It is a matter of persistence and faith and hard work. So you might as well just go ahead and get started."

So as you can see, my mind did not stay blank. It is amazing what comes out when you just go ahead and get started!

Expectation of Satisfaction

I went on a word journey today. Have you ever done that? Or is it just me that used to read the dictionary when I was younger? Anyway, all that aside, I met with two of the most beautiful women I know for lunch today. Our times together are an incredible snapshot of God's unconditional love to my heart. They know all about me and amazingly still love me!
We were figuring things out; you know sharpening one another by our experiences since the last time we met, then the "f" word came up. FEELINGS! Now may it be known that the last couple weeks, my feelings have been managing me, rather than me managing them.
I was sharing about how I was having a conversation with God this morning. I wanted Him to be specific with me about why I have trouble finishing things. It seems that I get to a certain place and then BOOM, I hit a brick wall and come to a standstill. Like completing my blog site for example) I then proceed to kick myself for not finishing, feel worse, compare myself to another, feel even worse. You see where this is going, nowhere fast!
As my friends related to what I was saying, one of them suggested it was boredom. She said she seems to start something, get bored with it and not want to complete it. We asked the question what is boredom? (all the while I am just itchin' for a dictionary) My other friend said perhaps it is just a feeling! Earlier we were discussing how feelings, although God given, can become so distorted if we allow them to rule our thinking. So if boredom is just a feeling.....
Hence began the word journey. Boredom according to dictionary.com says the state of being bored. One of the definitions of state is a particular emotional condition! A FEELING! I cried tears of joy; you mean I can manage this? And God quickly interjected with, no YOU can't but WITH me you can! The question then came, why am I so bored? Answered quickly with there is some gnawing sense of dissatisfaction in me. Dissatisfy - to fail to satisfy, disappoint. Disappoint - to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of!
Sometimes it is my own expectations that I am trying to fulfill out of some longing I feel is missing. The feeling deceiving me is that I am not measuring up. As I dig deeper into this gnawing, God's gentle voice speaks into my spirit. You will not find this anywhere but in me. He reminded me of Psalm 62:5 WEB 'My soul, wait in silence for God alone, for my expectation is from Him'
And so I agree with Mick Jagger's lyrics here , I can't get no satisfaction. I try and I try and I try and as long as I keep trying to do it all myself, I can bet that I will not find it. The next time I am bored I will dig deeper, I will turn my face again toward God and wait in silence for Him alone.